I am typing this through red, tear-filled, blurry eyes. I just tucked Mackenzie into bed as usual. David rocked Josiah and tucked him into his crib. Nothing is too out-of-the-ordinary, except that Mackenzie's first day of preschool is tomorrow. She has begged to go for months now. All her friends go to school. She is ready. I am not. I want to keep my baby close forever. I cannot. She will grow. She has grown. She is growing. I must let go and trust that the Lord will watch over her and what goes into her mind to form who she is each day. I must trust that He is in control over the influences that will enter her world. I must know that His plan for "my" child is much greater and more perfect than mine. After all, she is His child first, and only entrusted to me for a short time. I pray that He will use me as an instrument in her life. May I be instrumental in guiding her to Him by living a life in service to Him.
She fell asleep before I even left her room tonight. I scratched her back as usual. I tried to leave before she fell asleep. She said, "Mom, stay with me just a little while longer." Within seconds, she fell completely asleep. I do not usually sit and watch her while she sleeps. I did tonight and left her room with tears streaming down my face. My heart is so full of emtions. I am sad, excited, anxious, and proud. I know she will be just fine and I will too, but I am still flooded with emotions.
My little girl is 3 1/2 years old today. I never intended to send her to school any sooner than Kindergarten (age 5). That would be 1 1/2 years from now...not now. The more we learned about full day Kindergarten, five days a week, the more we decided she really would benefit from a two day a week Mother's Day Out program to prepare her for the mandatory routine that starts in Kindergarten. In order to secure a spot for her to begin the Mother's Day Out of our choice starting in August, we began making phone calls earlier this week. Mackenzie, Josiah, and I went to visit the school on Friday. Mackenzie loved it. She does not want to wait until August. She has been asking, "Is it August yet?" and "Am I four yet?" until I finally asked the program director if there are any available spots in the 3's class. The answer: yes, there is one available spot that just opened up this past week. Coincidence? No, more likely Providence. That vacancy would fill quickly by someone. I am thankful that it is Mackenzie who will have that spot. I drop her off at 9:00am for her very first day of school...a year and a half earlier than I intended. I believe she is ready. I really think I am ready, too. But, she is my firstborn. I am her momma. I love my baby girl. It is so hard to trust and let go. So, I end the day today with very mixed emotions.
I have packed her a little pink backpack and a princess lunch box, which we picked out together yesterday. We have her clothes laid out and ready for the morning. She usually does not wake up until 9am or later...I will probably have to wake her up. That, too, will be hard for me. I have the camera ready and plan to get a picture of her in the morning. Pray that I will hold together and that she will have a wonderful first day. I will update you all later!
To complicate things...I work tomorrow afternoon. That means I won't even get to talk to her teacher at the end of the day! David is picking her up and he is looking forward to getting to see her classroom, too. Mackenzie is a Daddy's Girl. He will ask questions; everything will be fine.
Poor Josiah won't know what to do without his sister by his side tomorrow. I hope he does not seem completely lost without her. He turned 21 months old today. He, too, is growing up too fast. Perhaps he and I will do something special before I go to work. I love them both dearly. I want what is best for them. I hope we all make the transition smoothly! Kinda silly transition, but for me it seems huge right now. :)
On a lighter note...David's quote for the day, "I think I caught most of it," referring to the chocolate milk vomit in his hands. What a day!
